Don't know if I can do this

I have not been able to stop crying. It has slowly dawned on me that my Tucker is gone forever. He's the reason I have my fenced in yard, he's the reason I started the agileboxer list, he's the reason I am now so into dog activities. He's the reason. My sister and I delivered the litter on October 26, 1996, he was one of nine. Not a flashy fawn, but a very handsome one. He actually loved obedience. He was my staunch protector, and I don't feel the same in this house without him. His first job always, was to protect me, and my home, but he was never aggressive. Tucker loved life, he taught me to lighten up.

I will forever feel gutted, that as he aged, I didn't include him more in my travels. Tucker couldn't do a lot due to his tenuous stomach issues, but some years ago, I found a combination of food he did very well on.

Last night, Kylie walked around the house looking for Tucker, and Nikke went and slept where he did the night before. OH GOD, I want him back. My head tells me it was the right thing to do, but my heart can't take it.

This house feels empty. I pray that with time, I will be able to accept what has happened, but for now, I must try to function, for my other animals, though my heart is in pieces, and I don't honestly know how I will do it.

I know this, I will never ever get over this. I may learn to live without my boy, but I will never get over him.