Monday, September 28, 2020

Peaceful easy feeling.....

 Finally!  A few years back I knew I had to find my peace again.  Some how I lost it.  It just evaporated some how.  I did a lot of running around, and "finding my happiness" and yes, at times I was very happy, but at no time was I really peaceful.  I can honestly say that because now that I have peace, I can say I have never been here before.  Ever.  

Peace to me, is the ability to feel (not BE) content, without trying.  Peace is the ability to accept whatever your reality is at the moment.  Peace is knowing you have your own back and will defend yourself should anyone attempt to try and destroy your peace.  Basically, peace is a supreme confidence, and knowledge that everything will be okay, even if it isn't at that moment. 

The Eagles had it right when they described it that way........

I thank God for this.  I hope you all get there too.  It is the only way to be.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Trauma vs Drama

I spent all of last year getting right with myself.  By that, I mean with my head.  Learning to distinguish between trauma, and drama.   Trauma is the stuff you went through in the past, starting in your childhood, and drama is present day issues that hit you.  Trauma can be things likes how you were raised- was it truly a loving environment, where you had an identity?  Did you feel valued, and loved?  Things like that.  Drama is things like stress from bills, people treating you badly; just basic every day stresses.  This every day drama can activate past trauma.  An example of this would be:  Someone you know yells at you, and for no real reason that you can see.  How you react to that will most naturally be going back to your trauma.  So, that could mean your response is to behave as you did as a child when your parent screamed at you.  You may get very quiet, not respond,  and bottle it up.  As the day wears on, you begin to project those feelings on others, and you remember all the hurts you received as a kid, and the narrative in your head tells you that "yes, all people are bad".  This is what I mean by drama kicking up trauma.  How to get out of that?  Well, when someone yells at you, tell them *not* to do that anymore/again, and say it calmly.  You *must* deal with it then, and there; speak up.   I promise you it gets easier every time you do it.  And people respect you a WHOLE lot more than when you just accept their abuse, or scream and cry and hold things in, and become a bitter person.  Being a bitter person is WHAT WE NEED TO AVOID.


People are trying at times.  But they do to us what we tolerate.  People come "as is". There is no potential, not when it comes to interpersonal relationships.  Do not tolerate bad behavior because your trauma taught you that in order to get love, or other resources, that you have to be ignored, or treated badly.  Do NOT let your trauma dictate your adult life!  I can't say that enough.  NO ONE has the right to belittle you, or take you for granted- NO ONE.  You must be willing to row your own boat in this world, in order to live the life you truly deserve.  You deserve to be peaceful, and content.  Good relationships are calm, loving, respectful.  Drama in relationships equates you allowing your trauma to rule.  Don't let that happen.  Anyone can treat us badly *once*.  After that, if it keeps happening, it is on us.

We need to get to our peace.  Peace trumps every single other thing in the world.  If you have peace in your mind, you can handle anything.

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Actually... Happier than I have ever been

 Hi guys!  So, now that I've done the housekeeping task of venting, I'd like to talk a little bit about some of the things that make life really good for me, and probably many many like me.

I spent the majority of last year getting right in my mind.  I had spent a few years prior to that going through this hyper speed evolution of who I was.  I made up for lost time in many ways.  I ran a lot- from my life.  I can't tell you why I did it, but I did.  I suspect maybe some sort of mid life crisis, but I would prefer to frame it as a growth period :)  I made so many friends, learned so many things, traveled so far, so much.  I took many risks, and that in and of itself seems to be a rarity these days.  At the end of it all, there I was.  Back home, to the life I ran from.  And me and that life got to know each other again. But this time I was the real me, the spiritually awoken me.  I can tell you, it was massive upheaval, and a lot of angst, interspersed with a lot of joy, and in the end it was SO worth it, to see the outcome.  I guess that's how life's challenges are, right? The thing about life, as they say is "timing is everything".  Who knew, that in 2019, I would be mentally prepping myself for this year.  2020.  The year that wasn't anything but one giant detour.  I had my moments where things were really really tough.  But I can literally count them on one hand, and they lasted so little time, that honestly, no sleep lost over them.  That is huge.  I used to be a big time obsessed worrier.  Anxiety was my middle name.  Now I know everything will be okay.  Period.  It will.  And on my weak moments, I tell myself that, just as an affirmation.  Things I cried about, I laugh about now.  See? upheaval can be a very good thing.  

A big part of my happier than ever life, is not tolerating bad behavior from others.  It means choosing friends, etc., carefully.  It means speaking up when I find something that does not mesh with how my life should be.  It means walking away from those who choose to ignore my boundaries.  It just means putting me first, at all times.  And, at the same time, looking at ways I can be a better person myself.  Every day I do that.  I question myself as to my reactions to things, and if those reactions are actually in response to what is happening, or simply baggage from past hurts creeping up.  It's usually he latter.   You must, as I have learned keep only the people that make you smile, and proud of yourself, and those who want to see you grow, and be successful.  

That's it for now, hope you enjoyed reading!

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Pox on Social Media

 This post is coming from my laptop.  Future blog posts may come from my phone, so that I can share photos.

I am not sure when I got my first smart phone, but I think it may have been around 2014.   I was a member of Facebook before then, but it was well contained in a box of my life, because it was not so portable. Starting about 2014, I think... Facebook, became integral in my day.  I was checking it, sharing inane posts, reading updates from Facebook friends, and laughing at funny memes.  It was fun.  I think a lot of us probably remember those days.  Those were the days that hooked us.  All of us.  Hook. Line.  And Sinker.  Then the degradation started.  We saw less personal shares from people, more ads.  Then came the inflammatory posts- those posts meant to upset us and polarize us.  Then, came the fake profiles.  Basically, Facebook became barely tolerable to, I suspect many of us. Yet we still go back, because we are addicted.

Instagram is basically soft porn for men with private accounts.  

I am over social media.  Comment here if you are too. 

Complete transformation

 Hi everyone. The time has come. The slow evolution back to good, solid, fruitful life is back. Many more blogs to come.

So much has happened, so many epiphanies. I'll share them here. 

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Farm life this summer

This summer, not unlike last summer has had its share of rain.  Lots of rain actually.  This is a good thing, always- for sheep farmers.  Rain makes grass, grass feeds sheep.  The only thing to watch for is to make sure that you have ground that has good drainage, so that their feet do not stay wet- as that can cause problems.  Fortunately, there are lots of hills, and good drainage at this place.

Last weekend I for a load of second cut, alfalfa/grass hay.  These bales were actually mostly alfalfa, and they were HUGE.  These bales were easily almost twice the normal size.  I will need a wheel barrow to tote them to the sheep.  As I cleaned up the chaff from the unload site, and gave it to the sheep, they were immediately diving into it.

My young dog is doing very well on the sheep.  The penny has dropped, and he has proven to me, that he is indeed a real sheepdog.  Joe is still my number one helper, but Robbie will be a great up and comer.  He's got great biddability, feel for the sheep, and a natural gatherer - all qualities I require in a sheepdog.

Going into the fall, I feel ready for what is to come.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Spring and LIFE

Hi everyone!  I am back again!  Shocking, I know!  Life has been very busy but I thrive on busy.  I have made another investment in the farming, and purchased a new Husqvarna lawn tractor for mowing the invasive, and toxic weeds in my fields.  Plus, I will use it to seed and all sort of other things.  After 9 years there I decided it was time to stop expecting the field maintenance fairies to show up.

My dogs are good.  Soon time to get Robbie back on sheep.  Planning to get some yearlings for this purpose. I am down three ewes this year, so it all comes out even. :)  I have to work out getting them next.

I need to get some work done at my house too- I neglected the flora around the place, and also, I need some masonry done.  That's what traveling so much does for you- something gets lost in the shuffle.

I turned the sheep out in the fields the other day.  They were happy (that makes me happy).

Anyway, I want to share some pics, and I will do so once I can figure out how to do this on my phone.

I hope everyone is well.