Wow, I was a mess last night. Have a big tax bill due and have to come up with the money. The purchase of the car and the hay put me behind the eight ball. I spent a lot of time last night worrying. As I age, I know that "this too shall pass" but sometimes I just circle think it all to death. So, that's what I did last night. Slept okay, which was weird, but maybe because I have a wonderful family who will not let me fail. Support is so important. Being single is not easy no matter what anyone says. So, another year goes by and same stresses. Have to figure out a way out of this.
One thing I have learned, is that no matter how poor I am or how much I need to stop spending, I just as badly need to have a bit of enjoyment. My dad told me that some years back when he was in the hospital, very ill. He's THE model for work ethic, which I inherited from him. When HE says to have fun, I sort of take it as gospel. So, I have my hobby, and I spend money on things like hay, gas to get to trials, trials, gas to get to work my dogs and so on. Basically that's it. Not much more. I am pretty frugal when it comes to things like new clothes and so forth. We have to have our priorities.
At the end of the day, should it be my last, I want to look back on my life and say, "you know what? I had a pretty good one". I don't want regrets. I don't want a pile of saved money and no memories. What is the point of that?
Dogs and cats have a way of showing you the way. They live each day just enjoying it and looking forward to what comes and accepting what doesn't. They force you to move on and ahead. Can't imagine my life without them.
So, after a night of worry, I got up and let the dogs and cat out. It was still dark. I walked out on the deck and was greeted with the most amazing night sky. I saw stars like never before- Orion's belt, the Big Dipper, the Northern Star ( I think). It was amazing. I then thought - how can my troubles be ANYTHING compared to this beauty? They are nothing, compared to this. Thank you Lord for showing me that there is so much more than our small worries.
Working the dogs today, and then, the weekend will be here before we know it. Here's to a full larder, cooler air and good working dogs!