I posted on facebook a bit of a good bye, and that is because I just simply am wasting too much time on it. IF that time were actual really meaningful, I would appreciate it, but it isn't. So much of my life is spent on the wrong things. Too many people I believed to be my friends aren't. Too many activities where I thought I would enjoy a larger circle of friends isn't. It's just a bit tiring.
I don't have someone to come home to and k-vetch to. I don't have any financial help in ANYTHING I do. No one and nothing. I am pretty happy alone, when it comes down to lots of things, but sometimes, it would be nice to have support. There are things I want to do for others, like hold a trial- but most of the people I called to for support, are not interested. Again, I learn that I am in all of this alone. Why even compete in sheepdog trials? I am not a competitive person. I love animals, and taking care of them, and in fact, appreciate their company more than many people.
I am starting to believe that no matter where I go, or what I do, the disappointment I get in hoping that something good will grow with regard to people is nothing but hooey.
I have done everything on my own- I paid for my college. I bought my house. I did all the work and financed everything on the sheep end. And, I don't mind this. Lots of people are just like me, but you know, just once, just ONE SINGLE TIME, I would like someone to call me and say "Hey, how's it going? Do you need a hand with anything?"
Every day, just about, I go to John's farm to help him. He can use the help, and I can see that. He never asked me to, but now I see he really appreciates it. I know how it feels to just want a little help here and there. Maybe someone upstairs is keeping tabs. Maybe, maybe not. I just know that I am getting mighty pessimistic about my life and my future. I am just TIRED of working my butt off to barely stay above water, and then, when something good happens, having NO ONE to share it with. Not even my family- they have their own lives to worry about.
I had to vent everyone, I am sorry it's a bit of a downer, but I had to vent.
1 comment:
Hi. I found your site from a sheepdog training link. I don't know if this is helpful, but I can really relate to your sentiments. I got back into the "dog world" after a long hiatus and started competing in agility, rally, and am now learning herding. I was hoping to develop a circle of friends, but it's been very, very difficult. I have an untraditional breed for most of these sports- rough collies. And I have to pretty much train on my own because I can't take time during the week for lessons, due to a hectic job. So perhaps that's part of the reason for the sense of isolation, but in any event, the dog world didn't turn out to be that welcoming. I decided to focus my energy on my dogs, and not worry too much about the people. I try to be kind and encouraging to others, but I will no longer go out of my way to try to reach out to people who clearly aren't interested.
Good luck to you!
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