Thursday, June 24, 2010

Having a very hard time

I am having a very hard time with dealing with losing Tucker. I put him down in January, and I regret it. I regret it more every day. Tucker had been starting to fail- losing control of his urine, but only occasionally. His biggest issue was with the huge lymph node on his neck, that was Cantaloupe size, and was starting to bother his breathing. Vets said it was Lymphoma, but the biopsy didn't verify it, or rule it out.

When he was there in the room, he wouldn't lay down, so I told him he could do what he wanted, and then they began by sedating him, and he look at me, I felt like he felt betrayed. I killed my dog. I have not ever gotten over that.

At the sheepdog trial a couple weekends ago, I burst into tears when I saw an old BC. I miss Tucker so much, it tears at me. I am crying as I write this. I don't know when this will ease, but right now, I just am not accepting that I did the right thing. I am full of regret.

I miss you so much Tucker.

4 comments:

Karen said...

((((((A big hug))))))

Anonymous said...

I don't know you and I didn't know Tucker, so this may or may not help. I could say "You did the right thing." But if you feel certain you did the wrong thing, then you can ask for forgiveness. If not from God, then from Tucker. Then maybe you can start to feel a bit better. It's a very, very difficult situation when it's close to the end of an elderly loved pet's life. No matter how it ends, it's never easy. Speaking from personal experience, sometimes you feel like you waited too long, instead of acting too soon. Sorry to ramble on.

Unknown said...

I saw your webpage in your signature at the bordercollie.org.
I am so sorry for your loss, but I am sure you did the right thing- exspecially for him.
I envy you of your strenght, I admire people who makes so unselfish decisions as these.
But I think Tucker is very fortunate, he had amazing owner who put his dog´s welfare priority before his own.
There will never be another Tucker, but there are another ones who needs you and you strenght now and despite the pain, there are probably a lot of great memories.
Cherish it every day, and time heals all pain.
Big hug!

Jenny Glen said...

It gets easier. It never goes away but it gets easier. For me with my heart dog, Chip, it's been 2 years and I still hurt for him. We all doubt that it was the "right time" but we gotta go with how we were feeling at the time and don't second guess it.