Odd feelings...

So, it's been a while since Lucy has gone off to learn the Zen of sheep herding. It's odd. I do miss her, but I see in my other dogs, that things are more relaxed around the house for them. She is a bossy girl. Always putting her nose in things. The only one that misses her, I can see, is Mr. Chips, my young cat. He is positively annoying to my older cat now, and he is ambushing Kylie. He sleeps right where Lucy would, so even though I thought I would have lots of room in bed, he is in her spot. I also wonder what she will think about coming home to no sheep. I mean, she gets to work every day. What if when I bring her home she is miserable? I never thought of this...
I don't know. It's really been an roller coaster of emotions for me lately. I think Lucy will at least, when all is said and done, be a better sheep dog (that's for sure), and I hope that as she matures, less will be more in terms of work, and we can progress a bit and enjoy each other out there.

I also wonder about how much time I will be spending working sheep in general. Gas is still so expensive, and money is as tight as it can be. I think my life is changing like so many others. Changing to not spending unless necessary (sheep work isn't necessary), and basically battening down the hatches. Oh to win the lottery. So, who knows. I think in the end, we get what we need, not what we want. And, sometimes what we THINK we want, isn't IT at all.

Yeah, weird feelings- I told you!

Finally

My door is not road sign green. See, I painted it some time ago, and it came out, shall we say, more primary in colour than I would like. I kept hoping it would grow on me, but I ended up growing to hate it. So, I got a darker paint and put on the first coat. Looks much better already. It is so hard to pick a good paint colour...
I will have to put another coat on it soon, but for now, MUCH improved.

Finally, the weather seems to have cleared up! YEAH! I love fall, but not fall rain. We need it though- my lawn is pretty sparse in areas.

Well, this is a pretty boring installment, but, hey, life can BE boring! Maybe the next post I can regale you with something exciting like, um, watching paint dry ;)

Okay okay okay- I GIVE

Subsequent to making my blog private, I have received NUMEROUS requests to make it public again. Apparently, some folks do enjoy reading it ;) After thinking about it, I have decided that I will make this blog public again, but with one rather large disclaimer: I will NOT be told WHAT to write, and what NOT to write. I shall respect other's wishes, within reason, but I shall not be censored (any more than I already censor myself (and TRUST me, I do censor!). So To those out there who enjoy creating drama- please exit stage left now.

Okay, now that old business has been taken care of..

"I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam"- you know that song? Well, this morning I got up and made my traditional toast and jam with a nice cup of java, and that song came into my mind. The toast was perfect, the coffer superb- how better to start a day I ask you? Truth be told, it was a great start, because I slept in a bit. It is really odd with less dogs in the house these days. Everyone seems more relaxed except for Mr. Chips- he runs around grabbing this and that, and just can't settle. He must miss Lucy- even if the other dogs don't!

Don't expect to get much done today. I just sort of want to lay low. I haven't done that in so long. A weekend of rest, now, THAT'S a novel idea! I miss working sheep a bit, but I think a break is needed here and there, and I am sure the sheep won't mind!

Last night the dogs all got sirloin steak with their dinners. Can you say HAPPY DOGS!? Yes, the steak was way too big for me, and I figured, why not spoil them a bit. I seem to have a certain level at which meat not only is too filling, but I end up saying NO! to anymore, that happened yesterday with my/our meal.

I want to take this time to thank everyone for their condolences on my loss of Cori. Though I know it was the right decision, it makes it no easier. It has put things into perspective for me. I have decided that I need to reassess why I have dogs. I don't have them to compete with, I don't have them to show off, I have them because they enrich my life. That's pretty much it. When a dog becomes just a tool, something that has only one purpose, then, when things go south with that purpose, what do you have left? I may always be that girl with "that" dog out there on the trial field, or I may not. We will work hard to improve, but at the end of the day, what you really have is your friend, near you, adoring your every move- the least we can do is to return the favor by enjoying them for WHO THEY ARE, not WHAT WE WANT THEM TO BE. I guess the same could be said for ourselves. If we spend our time wishing/wanting for things, and never just notice, and be thankful for all we have, what do we have? A lifetime of misery. Nothing will ever be enough. Funny, the lessons our dogs teach us.

You may have noticed that I have changed my blog title. I think it just fits some how, much better :)

A quiet day

Sure has been odd not having Cori around. She always lay in the same place in the living room. The dogs at home have been doing well. They don't miss Ms Lucy. She is quite the bossy bitch, and I swear they are singing "ding dong the witch is gone!" But, they WILL know next month when she comes back.

I got some cleaning done today, but nothing major. It feels good doing pretty much not much of anything, exvcept watching tv. The cats are good company for that ;0)

Tomorrow, probably a repeat of today. I've no discretionary funds right now, so staying home and not spending money is my best "bet".

Some pics of our last trial

Lucy and I ran at the Nebca Novice finals. Ran, yes. Did well? No. But, we were there, and a professional photographer, by the name of Alicia Gwozsz took some great pics of Lucy. I have put them up here for you all to check out. All photographs are copywright: Alicia Growodz

She's gone

Cori passed away peacefully in my arms last night. Sometime early in the evening, Cori started crying again. I found her on her side, her legs outstretched in front of her, unable to get up. I tried to help her up, but she didn't want to. It was then that I knew I had to do something. I brought her to the emergency vet and the vet gave me my options. My gut, my heart knew that Cori just was not able to fight this anymore. I have never been present for one of my own animals being put to sleep. I was light headed when I agreed. For a fleeting moment, I almost changed my mind. When it was time, and the sedative was administered, Corl started to fall asleep, and as she did I kissed her forehead, and told her I loved her over and over. Words can't describe how my heart aches. She's gone. I will never see her again. I have uploaded some pics to show my girl. I don't know if it will get easier. Right now my heart is broken.

Putting it all in perspective

Sometimes, when life upsets you, seemingly greatly, things happen to make you wake up and realize how petty you are being.

My old dog Cori is sick. She presented with just looking ill to me on Monday. Brought her to the vet- she had a fever. Vet did not offer anything in the way of treatment. I requested blood work, and he gave me Dermaxx for her. That night Cori was in a bad way- laying under the table crying in pain.

When I got home yesterday, Cori could not get up. I brought her to the vet. Vet asks if other vet tested for Lyme disease- no, of course not- you know, he wasn't worried. She still had a fever- well, no kidding, because there was no treatment. So, this vet gave me tramadol for her pain, and doxy for infection (lyme?). Cori hid under the deck this morning, and only ate 1/2 of her breakfast. I think Cori is not long for this world. It is very hard. All I can do is keep her relatively pain free, and treat what we can. I am very upset, but I keep thinking that she may rally.

I have dropped Lucy off to sheep boot camp. So far she seems to have adjusted well.